Unfortunately, in this world, there exist what some may lovingly call “attitude shirts.” I do not share the sentiment that some may imply with this title; I do not feel that they will give me the right attitude or make me a stronger person, nor do I believe they may declare me unique by wearing one. My first clue to the latter conclusion was that if I picked one up off a shelf, there would most likely be an identical one printed directly underneath it, also for sale: granted, perhaps it would be in a different size, but even that is not always guaranteed.
I have decided the messages on these things are nothing but the opposite of classy and respectable, and so they should never be empowering. Some of my absolute favorite examples of this are, “Don’t Hate Me Because Your Boyfriend Wants Me,” “It’s All About ME,” “Don’t Ask, Because You Can’t Afford Me Anyway,” and “Spoiled Rotten.” These declarative jewels are often embellished with fake rhinestones the size of my eye and with swirling silver glitter over top pink puffy letters. If this is not nauseating enough, remember that the shirts’ backgrounds are usually a solid color; this forces you to stare at only the awful text. Which, to make things even better, is often located directly on females’ busts.
I get an even bigger kick out of a girl wearing one who gets offended when guys stare at her breasts- like they don’t know how on earth this could possibly happen, and so every single one of those guys must be a pig. When they wear a shirt printed with the words “I’m Up Here,” to signal that guys should not read the text directly placed on and stretched to hug their ample busts, I have to firmly clamp a hand over my mouth to keep my eager guffaw in check. Really? Really… I’ve even seen a shirt like this once that actually read “Who Needs Brains When You Have These?” Ok. No girl can EVER get mad for anyone calling her stupid or trashy if she’s wearing that one in public.
And of course, guys are not excused from these shenanigans. They have their own charming additions to these lovely garments. Usually their text is slightly toned down, and are often in the predictable “manly” colors, but they are certainly no better in their messages than their feminine counterparts. “Yes, Stupid, Size Does Count,” “Boobies Make Me Smile,” and “What Girlfriend?” are all prime examples of men’s silkscreen cries for individuality. What girls do they attract with these messages? Do these men have jobs?
I really want to know who is designing these shirts. Who is spending the time to come up with these messages? Also, does anyone ever actually spell-check these things in the least? I can’t tell you how many times a shirt declaring “Yes, Their Real,” “Your Just Jealous,” or something of the like uses the incorrect “they’re” or “you’re.” It makes me want to scream. I certainly do not care if “they are real” as that is your business, nor am I jealous at all of an ugly, unoriginal shirt proclaiming such a stupid message that, to top it all off, is also grammatically incorrect. Who approves these messages and then spends even more time designing the text (if you could even call that typography)? I don’t understand why companies are agreeing to print these things, and in mass quantity. Then, beyond that, stores upon stores actually decide to stock and sell these things in representation of their businesses. Where do these people come from? And how can we send them back?
If it is absolutely necessary these shirts be worn, they should never leave the four walls of our homes. In fact, they would certainly make very good rags. They are making America look bad; we have enough other issues to resolve that we do not need these “attitude shirts” littering our nation, proclaiming classlessness and idiocy for all to see.
